Sunday, January 17, 2010

More Words for Baby

Dearest Little Cupcake,

I think it's about time we talk about the fact that you're a girl. I think it's time I make my confession - when I heard you were a girl I was a tiny bit scared out of my mind. I immediately flashed back to all of my own failures and mistakes as a daughter, a sister, and a wife. I thought about all of the things I've said and done that hurt my family's feelings or disappointed them in some way, especially when I was a teenager. "Oh, heaven help us," I thought. "We're having a girl. I hope she's a better girl than I was." This tiny bit of fear was stuck in my mind for quite some time, even while I was getting excited about picking out girl clothes and decorating your room. How can I teach you to be all of the things I am not? Patient, quiet, thoughtful. How do I show you what a good daughter, a good sister, and a good wife look like? After I worried about it for a long time, (that's another thing I hope you don't learn to do - worry!) I realized that we both have a saving grace - your Daddy. He is all of the things I've never liked about myself, and he's taught me how to be those things as an adult. I know that he can teach you how to stop and think before you speak, how to wait for the things you want, and how to take care of yourself and those around you without being selfish. We are both so lucky to have him.

Once I had that realization, I started to become much more comfortable with your girl-ness. I was able to think about all of the things I love about being a girl! We come from a long line of strong, smart, beautiful women who have a lot to teach us. I especially admire my mother, my stepmother and my grandmothers who are all very different, but who all have something important to show us about being women. They are inspirational, to say the least, and I can't wait for you to meet them! If we can both follow in their footsteps, we're going to be just fine. I'm so thrilled that you get to grow up in our family.

I do have one important thing I want to teach you. I can't wait to teach you how to write! I can't wait to show you how to make your letters and write your own name. I can't wait to show you how to put a sentence together and how to pick just the right words to get your point across. I also look forward to watching you find your own voice in the world as a woman and a writer. The other day, I was reading through all of my old journals from high school and college, and suddenly a thought hit me. I remembered why I've been writing everything down. I've been writing for you. My journals, while very private, are filled with my own thoughts about my mistakes and my triumphs - the lessons I've learned about being a girl, living in the world, finding my own happiness and walking down my own path. I remembered one particular day when I was studying in England. I was sitting on my bed in my dorm room, furiously scribbling about boys and love and how to sort through that whole mess and I remember stopping in my tracks and thinking to myself, "I hope my daughter reads this someday." See! Even back then I KNEW I wanted a daughter!

So, baby girl, I think what I'm trying to say is, even though I'm still a little scared, I'm ready. Even though some of my girlhood was a bit rocky, even though I've made plenty of mistakes, I've come through it and I am very proud of the woman I've become, yet I realize I still have some growing to do as a woman myself. You and I can do a lot of growing together. We'll look to the women in our family for guidance, and we'll lean on Daddy when things get a little tough. We have lots of love surrounding us, and I know that our journey together will be a wonderful one.

Keep growing, little one, and stay safe. We can't wait for you to get here!



the mama said...

Beautiful post, dear little Rachie! So glad I took the time to follow the girls blog friends this evening!
The fact that you recognize your husbands gifts and the Titus 2 women in your life will help your daughter enormously! I can't wait to meet her! Pam Glenn

Anonymous said...

You will be such a good mom! I can't wait to see how you handle all the little bumps mom's go through, like how to act when you find out your little girl took beer to school and got suspended...and when she.... (oh, I could go on and on, couldn't I?) I hope she'll just learn to call Grammy when she's in trouble with Mommy!