I'm Just Too Sweet for My Own Good!

Well, it's official - I have Gestational Diabetes. (It sounds so ugly!) I'm not even borderline, either. I flat out FAILED every blood test by a lot of points. I knew this was a possibility and I've been preparing for it ever since the first test, but I still cried after talking to the nurse this morning. It's not fun, all this talk about monitors and glucose and insulin. I immediately called my Mom and she was able to calm me down a little bit, but it sure did make for a rough day. My poor kids were probably wondering why their teacher was acting like a nut-case on the verge of tears all day.

I have to go to a class on Thursday (at 9am - who holds a class at 9am for people who work?! I know I'm not the only working pregnant woman going to this hospital - get with the program, people!) where they teach me how to use the monitor and check my blood sugar levels four times a day. I have to eat at least six times a day, 3 meals with snacks in between, and I have to meet with a dietician to figure out how many carbs I'm allowed to have and how much protien I should eat. Then, if diet doesn't control my blood sugar levels, I have to start taking insulin shots and seeing a special "at risk" doctor (here's where I start crying because that FREAKS ME OUT). There's a chance I could have a monstrously huge baby, which isn't the worst thing in the world, but let's face it, that would be scary. "At risk" doctor + big baby = C-section. I know I have to be ready for that and I'm not happy about it.

The hardest part about all of this is the enormous feeling of guilt I have over the whole thing. Perhaps I should not have had my Starbucks latte every other Friday morning. Perhaps I should not have eaten that entire package of Rice-Krispie treats from Kroger's bakery during week 15. Perhaps I should not have had that cream soda float when everyone else was drinking beer so I thought I deserved a treat. Perhaps I should not have been drinking a huge glass of orange juice every morning (oh, that one kills me - I've been loving my OJ). When I think about my eating habits, I always thought I was eating healthy, especially when it came to carbs. We have NO simple carbs in our house! All of our pasta and bread is whole wheat or multi-grain, none of my cereal is the sugary kind - it's all Fiber One and Rasin Bran around here - and I pack granola bars to snack on at school every day. Sylvain cooks super nutritious dinners every night, but apparently, that's not good enough. I feel like a complete failure and I haven't even become a real mother yet. I'm not supposed to feel this way until I find drugs in my daughter's sock drawer!

I know this is a totally managable problem, and I know that we'd be lucky if this is the biggest problem we have. Lots of people have told me not to worry, everything's going to be fine, I just have to change a few things and all will be well...but still. It sucks. I've been feeling so healthy all this time, and I don't feel any different physcially, but when I hear the words "gestational diabetes" I feel unhealthy, like there must be something wrong with me.

Lucky for me, my husband is just as much of an information-a-holic as I am and his first reaction was, "We'll read all we can about it and make the best of it." It also helped that my Mom sent me a gigantic email with four numbered points about how "not so bad" this whole thing really is. I know I'll feel better after this class with the dietician on Thursday. Until then I'll just stare blankly into the refrigerator and second-guess everything I put into my mouth. Oh well. I guess it could be worse.