Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I'm Just Too Sweet for My Own Good!

Well, it's official - I have Gestational Diabetes. (It sounds so ugly!) I'm not even borderline, either. I flat out FAILED every blood test by a lot of points. I knew this was a possibility and I've been preparing for it ever since the first test, but I still cried after talking to the nurse this morning. It's not fun, all this talk about monitors and glucose and insulin. I immediately called my Mom and she was able to calm me down a little bit, but it sure did make for a rough day. My poor kids were probably wondering why their teacher was acting like a nut-case on the verge of tears all day.

I have to go to a class on Thursday (at 9am - who holds a class at 9am for people who work?! I know I'm not the only working pregnant woman going to this hospital - get with the program, people!) where they teach me how to use the monitor and check my blood sugar levels four times a day. I have to eat at least six times a day, 3 meals with snacks in between, and I have to meet with a dietician to figure out how many carbs I'm allowed to have and how much protien I should eat. Then, if diet doesn't control my blood sugar levels, I have to start taking insulin shots and seeing a special "at risk" doctor (here's where I start crying because that FREAKS ME OUT). There's a chance I could have a monstrously huge baby, which isn't the worst thing in the world, but let's face it, that would be scary. "At risk" doctor + big baby = C-section. I know I have to be ready for that and I'm not happy about it.

The hardest part about all of this is the enormous feeling of guilt I have over the whole thing. Perhaps I should not have had my Starbucks latte every other Friday morning. Perhaps I should not have eaten that entire package of Rice-Krispie treats from Kroger's bakery during week 15. Perhaps I should not have had that cream soda float when everyone else was drinking beer so I thought I deserved a treat. Perhaps I should not have been drinking a huge glass of orange juice every morning (oh, that one kills me - I've been loving my OJ). When I think about my eating habits, I always thought I was eating healthy, especially when it came to carbs. We have NO simple carbs in our house! All of our pasta and bread is whole wheat or multi-grain, none of my cereal is the sugary kind - it's all Fiber One and Rasin Bran around here - and I pack granola bars to snack on at school every day. Sylvain cooks super nutritious dinners every night, but apparently, that's not good enough. I feel like a complete failure and I haven't even become a real mother yet. I'm not supposed to feel this way until I find drugs in my daughter's sock drawer!

I know this is a totally managable problem, and I know that we'd be lucky if this is the biggest problem we have. Lots of people have told me not to worry, everything's going to be fine, I just have to change a few things and all will be well...but still. It sucks. I've been feeling so healthy all this time, and I don't feel any different physcially, but when I hear the words "gestational diabetes" I feel unhealthy, like there must be something wrong with me.

Lucky for me, my husband is just as much of an information-a-holic as I am and his first reaction was, "We'll read all we can about it and make the best of it." It also helped that my Mom sent me a gigantic email with four numbered points about how "not so bad" this whole thing really is. I know I'll feel better after this class with the dietician on Thursday. Until then I'll just stare blankly into the refrigerator and second-guess everything I put into my mouth. Oh well. I guess it could be worse.


Mollie said...

You will be fine. You may only be able to eat carrots and chicken for the remainder, but it'll work out. Our girls were next to a gestational diabetes baby in the NICU. The baby looked HUGE next to my 3 pound babies (I think she weighed over 10 pounds)--but she was perfect. She was supposed to stay a day in the NICU for observation, but only stayed for about 12 hours until they kicked her out! Good Luck!

Laura said...

oh Rachael!!!
We are so sorry you're feeling less than the very best of mothers -- because that is what are you destined to be. Glad your mom was able to pull you back to solid ground -- I'll be thinking of you on Thursday!!

Laura (and Pete!)

Laura said...

Sucks to your asthmar! Err...GD. Not much consolation on size, but Mom is pretty sure she had GD with me and Dave, and though we were both 9lbs 11 oz +, we turned out fine. Well, academically sound at least (maybe it's too much of a jump to consider either of us "fine"). Take care of yourself and the little one during your extended Lenten Fast. See, she's already a good catholic! :)

the mama said...

I'm sorry Rach. That stinks. If it helps, I asked my ob once if I could influence my baby having GD and she said no. (I was feeling guilting about all the sweets and secretly hoping the doctor could scare me out of eating them.:-)